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Some of you may have learned that I had a terrible head accident in July 2024 and was forced to retire from my private practice and license of 44 years. Although I am partially competent to practice, I was unable to walk and hear properly, sit for long periods of time and concentrate on what was being said. I was discovered by a beloved client as I was lying and bleeding on the floor before his appointment. He got me immediate help. I am eternally grateful to him. When my condition was fully diagnosed it turned out that I had a rare hidden neurological condition that preceded my fall. It is called Diffuse Idiopathic Skeletal Hyperostosis (DISH). It is a rare type of arthritis that causes your soft tissues — ligaments, tendons and joints — to stiffen and calcify. Basically the insides of my spinal column get choked off by this calcification and I lose functioning in my central nervous system, risking paralysis. It was not a pretty picture. You may also get bone spurs, which can cause pain and other symptoms and cause you to lose your balance. Treatment is exercise and pain relief as needed and a spinal operation.
I saw it as God had other plans for me than where I thought that I was going—that this condition is just another challenge for me. I would not die from DISH and my suffering was no different than what my clients brought to me every day. I let my clients of 44 years teach me how to overcome these challenges with God as my ally. Afterall, I had witnessed their struggles and triumphs all these years. I was immensely grateful for all the support and love I received.
Well, it has worked! I am not dead! I am thriving! I can walk, stay balanced and think clearly as I ever have. Most of my recovery is due to my loving and skilled doctors, tons of physical therapy and the profound devotion of my wife and readers of The Phoenix Spirit. Like many forms of suffering it was all a gift of God. So, I will continue writing for The Phoenix Spirit with a newer, deeper understanding. You are not going to get rid of me that fast!
What Did I Learn From All This?
With deep sadness, and some denial at first, I accepted God’s verdict on my life and thanked Him for what life he had already given me. Afterall, my suffering was just a part of life and was no one’s fault. You may wonder, as do I now, how I have done this mental shift so easily. Well, the truth of the matter is that it was, and is, not so easy (sob! Sob!) at all (I really miss my clients with my whole heart!). But I learned from this ordeal and would like to share with you some of what I learned. Perhaps, you may learn from my ordeal.
I put more emphasis on gratitude than resentments. Most of all I celebrated each small victory of my recovery.Losing essential things in our life challenges us to find ways to deal with losses and undergo grief arising from these losses. So, I entered transitional care through Episcopal Homes to have my head injury assessed and treated with the latest scientific protocol. It was difficult to realize that my whole spinal column was damaged and that I would likely have trouble walking, maintaining my balance and not falling again. I was at a low point when I realized this. Then I told myself, “This is exactly where I wanted to be,” to give me the motivation to lick this illness. I learned about neuroplasticity. I’ve done physical therapy 3 times a week with a monster coach who told me that I can learn to change my body through repetitive reparative exercises. This is exactly what I’ve done with my own clients, so I knew precisely what she meant—she was preaching to the choir. And it worked! Over the course of a year, I’ve gone from a wheelchair to a walker to a normal walker, had some surgery on my spine to limit DISH episodes and joined La-La jazz dancing group. I am not perfect in my recovery but have amazed many people with my recovery and turned a few heads—just like many of my own psychotherapy clients in my past practice. What works for the goslings also works for the goose! This learning from my clients is exactly what I’ve done in the last year. It is needless to say how grateful I am to them for their teaching me.
Specifics of What I Learned About Recovery
The most important things I learned at the start were: to accept that I was wounded and needed help, to forgive myself for having a fall (after all, anybody can fall as they age), to swallow my pride and refuse to feel sorry for myself and know that I absolutely needed caring from others in my repair, to get expert help from professionals who were willing to have a relationship with me in my recovery and see me as the strong person whom I am, and to be grateful to God for this opportunity to grow as a person. This mental attitude and support from my wife and loved ones was a terrific start! I felt the love from loved ones in my body and looked forward to getting better and surprising people. Boy, did I surprise everybody, but mostly myself! All of these attitudes resulted in real physical repair in my body once I made the effort. I even found other areas of needed repair that I discovered along the way, including getting a sleep CPAP machine to help my sleep apnea, losing 20 pounds of needless weight and having a more personal relationship with my Creator. Although I wouldn’t recommend falling as a way to grow, I certainly made the most out of this opportunity.
Deeper Aspects of Self-repair That Make All the Difference
When I had an accident like this and went through a life change, I knew I would be in serious grief. So, I let myself grieve for as long as I needed. I kept life simple, took one day at a time and thanked God for the abundance of love I received. I put more emphasis on gratitude than resentments. Most of all I celebrated each small victory of my recovery. And I talked to my Higher Power about my uncertainty and my need for a higher purpose in my life. I signed up inside to be a better person no matter what. I thanked every person who helped me each day and witnessed their love. People grew to like working with me as they still do now. I got to know each of my helpers in a personal way and tried remembering what they said to me, just as I did with my clients. I listened to their life struggles and blessed them. This practice only increased my gratitude. Clearly my main source of gratitude was for my wife as we became closer in the ordeal and hard work of my treatment. I remained stunned by how much love she poured into me and vice versa. It was like a tidal wave! So, God gave me a miracle to offset my suffering.
I want to say a few words about trying to repair yourself in a medical setting. First, I would urge you to realize that you are in charge of your own body, not the doctors, nurses, or other well-intentioned “helpers.” You get the lion’s share of triumph if you succeed and the disappointment if you falter. Be in charge of your own body and recovery. You are the real expert on yourself. Doctors may be wizards when it comes to technology but you and your Creator are the real wizards of your healing. So, assert your needs, ask for help with intimate details of your life and be willing to say “No” to anyone who wants to help you for your own good. Too often what is for your own good does not jive with what is good for you. Listen to, but don’t lose yourself, to your helpers. You are the real expert on yourself. Boundaries get blurred in critical care. Medical settings, and some friends, often get caught up in heroic rescuing and legal snafus rather than practicing authentic medicine. In my case, I turned down help from a world-famous neurologist because she lacked empathy and said no to the expertise of the doctor who ordered excessive CAT scans on my head. I refused certain medications that I considered unsafe after an internet search. I was a real pain-in-the-behind when I needed to be with certain helpers. Mostly, I was a compliant patient when I felt that my questions were answered. Most of the time helpers with good bedside skills ought to be trusted especially when they tell you what you don’t want to hear and can make you laugh about your dilemma.
My Whole-hearted Goodbye to my Clients
I feel that I need to apologize to you, my beloved readers, for just leaving you in the dark without any explanation for several months as to where I went. Just lying in a confused state, in the operating room on my back with you in my heart caused me great pain. Now that I am realizing what day of the year this is, I have tried to give you some explanation, which is your due. I can’t guarantee that I won’t pull one of these miracle stunts again but I can guarantee that I carried you and your words with me each moment in my heart and included your recovery into mine. For that I am eternally grateful beyond what words could say. Please remember the love we shared and continue to share to this day. It is a forever gift.
See you next time here on these pages! As best as I can tell. Love, John
John H. Driggs, L.I.C.S.W., is a retired Licensed Clinical Social Worker in private practice in St. Paul, MN and co-author of Intimacy Between Men (Penguin Books, 1990). He can be reached on 651-699-4573.
